What Is A First Look At A Wedding?
What is a first looking at a wedding? It’s a lot of things, really. A lot of really good things packed into such a small change in timeline. You’re probably here because you hear this term “first look” thrown around in your bridal Facebook group or your best friend talks about how much they loved doing a first look, and you’re smiling and nodding, the whole while thinking “what is a first look at a wedding?! Is there a second look? What is this madness!” My guess is that a lot of the recent weddings you have attended as a guest likely had a couple who did a first look and you never even knew it! It’s not something most people think about until they have to make a decision about it for their own wedding. Often when I ask couples during consultations if they will be doing a first look or not, they pause, look at each other and say, “we actually haven’t really thought about it to tell you truth. What IS a first look at a wedding?”
I’m here to tell you that you aren’t alone in asking what is a first look at a wedding, because it’s really a newer trend that we as wedding guests are rarely aware of or privy to, but one that I believe is here to stay for some good romantic and practical reasons. Likely after you’ve decided to do a first look at your wedding, your sweet, tradition-loving Granny is going to say, “dagummit darlin’, maybe I’m just too old for this kinda stuff, but what IS a first look at a wedding?” Not your Granny? Alright, I probably channeled my Granny on this response, but I imagine Grannies and Mother-in-Laws around the world are feeling twitchy right now at the thought of you seeing your betrothed BEFORE the wedding. Unacceptable. Wild. Crazy. These young kids, I’ll tell ya what! *shakes cane at the sky, man and sea*
Granny or Mom-in-law might not understand it because it’s not how they did it when they got married and they don’t understand why on earth you would see the bride or groom before the ceremony! After all, it’s bad luck, right? Nope. Let me tell you why a first look at a wedding is a blessing, not a curse.
The tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding was originally to keep a groom from backing out of the “transaction” if he didn’t like what he saw. Back in the not so golden oldies, marriage was a business deal between two families, not the expression of love and intimacy we know it as now. These business deals were usually arranged by the parents, and the Father of the bride hoped for his daughter to marry a man with a wealthy family with land and livestock, which would in turn bring praise to his families name through the tie, take a dependent daughter off of his plate to care for, and potentially bring some of that wealth and good name over to his own family. So imagine the trauma for dear old Dad when he snags himself a rich son in law with lots of pigs or whatever, then he sees his future bride and goes NOPE. I’m taking my pigs elsewhere to someone better looking. Papa just lost all his pigs (or whatever) and now his family is steeped in shame because his betrothed daughter was dumped. Not good for future prospects, not good for the family name. The custom became to not let the bride and groom meet at all prior to the ceremony, and the brides face would be covered with a
veil until the business deal, or vows, were done with. Only then after the contract is complete does the groom get to lift the veil and see his new brides face. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not against arranged marriages for those who chose this route! I have friends who decided to take part in arranged marriages and are so very happy with their partner, so my explanation of the origin of this tradition is not to poo-poo these traditions still held and regularly practiced by any culture, nor to talk down the decision for any couple to wait to see each other upon the walk down the aisle and forgo my beloved first look at the wedding, but more to dispel the notion that seeing each other prior to the wedding is somehow bad luck or a damnation on your union. Your marriage will be as lucky as you and your partner make it together, whether you see each other for the first time when you walk down the aisle or you get dressed together in the same room.
What Is A First Look At A Wedding?
It’s Not New, It’s Just A Priority Shift.
What is a first look at a wedding? It’s not new, it’s just a priority shift. A first look isn’t actually new as much as it is a reorganizing of priorities and changing the photo opportunity from minute to massive. There is ALWAYS a first look at a wedding, but traditionally it happens when one party walks down the aisle with the other waiting at the altar or arch, watching their beloved glide down the aisle towards their new life together. It’s a part we all love, seeing the bride or groom all glammed up to look like a million bucks, and seeing their partners face when they first see each other is a joyous, but fleeting moment. When you’re asking “what is a first look at a wedding?” you’re really asking, how is it different than what already happens at a wedding during the ceremony?
Rather than taking place in front of all the guests while in motion down the aisle, the “first look” that is commonly referred to now-a-days is a private meeting of the lovebirds prior to the ceremony. This often takes place at least an hour or more prior to the ceremony, leaving time for different things such as photos or chill time for the soon to be wedded couple. So now you know in it’s most simple of terms WHAT a first look at a wedding is, but you really need to know WHY. Why is this such a popular trend, or dare I say, a new tradition in the making? Why do people love it so much? Why do photographers adore first looks so much? Is it truly more practical? Is it as special as that “down the aisle” moment? You’ve got questions and I’ve got answers, babe. Let’s go on a little journey together to talk about what a first look at a wedding is and why it’s so freaking awesome.
No. 1 What Is A First Look At A Wedding? – It’s intimate and romantic.
What is a first look at a wedding? It’s intimate and romantic. It’s steamy as heck. Whether you are a wall flower bride or a groom that loves to be in the spotlight, there is an intimacy and romance in the first look that can’t be found anywhere else. Your guests are going to OOOH and AHHH over you two regardless, so why not leave their reactions for the aisle, and savor your Love’s reaction when its all yours and only yours during your first look. Intimate, right? While some couples may choose to have parents or bridal party there during the first look, I find the hot majority want it to be as private as possible. That’s sort of the point of the first look anyway, right? It’s intimate because you can react how you want without having hundreds of eyes staring at you. You can truly be vulnerable, soak up the moment, enjoy how you feel and react without fear of taking too much time or feeling embarrassed by a large emotional display, or your cool-as-a-cucumber, serene expression while you take in every ounce of the one you love in their wedding day vestments. The point is, you’re in a safe, intimate place, just you and your boo, and of course (hopefully) your photographer, so you can really do whatever you want without any reservation.
No. 2 What Is A First Look At A Wedding? – It’s a chance to relish the moment.
What is a first look at a wedding? It’s a chance to really savor that delicious moment. Relish it. RELISH. IT. Like REALLY chew on it and experience every second, fully present, no distractions. What a gift, right? Your whole wedding day goes by so fast, but the walk down the aisle and traditional first look is quite literally about 30 seconds of your big day. That’s it, just 30 seconds. MAYBE 60 seconds if your aisle is more like a football field. Just 30 seconds reserved for the time you get to see your bride or groom in the most beautiful thing you’ll ever see them wear, coming towards you to say, “I do.”.. Like, what? Doesn’t it seem like that should have way more priority? I agree, it should! and if you participate in the tradition of not seeing your soon-to-be spouse prior to the ceremony, you’re spending at least half of the day apart from each other, then your first time seeing each other you’re instructed to hold hands and then go immediately into the ceremony and wait for your officiant to tell you to kiss. What a tease! And not the good kind. A first look at a wedding gives you a chance to really be in the moment. No one is waiting on you, you have all the time in the world.
No. 3 What Is A First Look At A Wedding? – It’s an opportunity to react organically.
What is a first look at a wedding? It’s an opportunity to react organically. It’s sweet, sweet freedom. I want to state that obviously you can do whatever you want when seeing each other for the first time as you walk down the aisle, but I would wager to say that the majority of people going this route feel strongly about tradition, which means they aren’t likely the type to make-out at the altar before the ceremony starts. Other than the photographer, who in this moment will try to be as in the shadows and unobtrusive as possible, you’re alone. You feel less nervous going into it knowing it’s just going to be you and your boo, so your natural reaction can fly free. Some reactions I have seen during first looks entailed the bride yelling, “OH MY GOD! YOU LOOK *AMAZING* OH MY GOD OH MY GOD BABE! OH MY GOD! AHHHHMAZING! OH.MY.GOD! BABE!”, like literally yelling from excitement. I LOVED it, the groom was beside himself with how his bride was literally freaking out over how hot her soon-to-be-hubby was, she was letting her natural reaction rip and it was so THEM. Their first look captured their relationship and personalities beautifully. There is usually a lot of both parties making the other spin so they could take in a 360 of that cute booty, and a ton of crying and kissing, and laughing while crying and kissing. It’s so much more than a couple could ever fit in to that 5 second face to face at the alter before the officiant welcomes everyone to the wedding and gets started with the ceremony.
No. 4 What Is A First Look At A Wedding? – It is an amazing photo opportunity.
What is a first look at a wedding? It is an amazing photo opportunity for the couple. Obviously as the wedding photographer writing this blog, this is a huge one for me, but it’s also an equally big part of why couples choose to do a first look prior to the ceremony. They hired me to have a stellar wedding gallery to take with them through the rest of their lives, to capture the moments that are the sweetest, to immortalize the intimacy and romance of their relationship when it was in its infancy. My client couples always love the first look images as much as I love taking them, so it truly is a win win for all of us when the first look is chosen over the traditional “down the aisle” look. Let’s quickly look at why it is such an amazing photo opportunity.
- The perfect location can be chosen because we aren’t tied to the ceremony location. Ceremony locations are often chose because they are beautiful, the right size and shape or the most practical location. They are rarely chosen because of amazing lighting with photography 100% in mind. When my clients choose to do a first look, one of my assistants jobs is to scout the property and bring back a list of which locations will be best for lighting, scenery and privacy. I can then go to those select spots and choose an area that will be perfect for the time of day the first look will be happening, that will be the most beautiful scenery for the most romantic experience of the first look, and that is also private and away from vendors setting up for the wedding or guests and family members who are arriving early.
- The whole situation is planned and controlled to optimize the experience for the couple and the photographer. I chat with the couple prior to the wedding day about what their first look experience will look like, and then we go over it individually again the day of as we are heading into the moment. I take the groom or bride who will be waiting to the location we’ve chosen, ask them how they’re feeling, if they’re nervous, if there is anything I can get for them like a bottle of water or a mint, then I’m off to get their love! I grab the other party and place them a short distance behind their sweetie and ask them to wait until I wave them forward to start slowing walking towards their partner. I ask that once they are there, that they huge their partner from behind for some photos while they are touching but still can’t see each other face to face. This is usually a beautiful moment of excitement, nerves and anticipation. Sometimes some words are exchanged, sometimes it’s silent tears or soft giggles. Then I have them slowly turn to face each other. This is an amazing moment because myself and my second shooter can get each parties face simultaneously as their eyes light up when they see their boo for the first time in all their wedded bliss! Then comes the canoodling, and canoodle they shall. The hugging, kissing, the “Turn around and let me look at you!”, the shared excitement and nerves off knowing very soon they will be exchanging vows in front of their loved ones.
- We can go right into a few bride/groom together photos that don’t have to wait until after the ceremony. Usually during this time of high emotions and excitement, I will have my couples “’practice their first dance” with lots of spins, or get some really sweet intimate poses that come organically from the high state of their lovey dovey feels.
No. 5 What Is A First Look At A Wedding? – It is efficient as all get out.
What is a first look at a wedding? It is amazingly efficient and practical for such a carefully planned and jam packed day. The practicality of the first look is usually the thing that sways couples most when they’re not sure about doing a first look or not. What is a first look at a wedding? It’s a mega huge super time saver, that’s what it is. While the amount of time the wedding day lasts doesn’t change, the couple will get to enjoy more of it with less stress. When the couple and have already seen each other, there is no reason to wait until after the ceremony to do all those formals. The bridal party all together, the photos with parents, siblings, grandparents, close friends, all those formal shots that usually take place after the ceremony while everyone else gets to enjoy cocktail hour, they’re all taken care of prior to the ceremony. What a relief, right? The couple gets to go into their wedding ceremony knowing it’s the last big important thing to do. After that, it’s all a giant party where they can relax, cut loose and enjoy. A novel concept to be sure, enjoying yourself on your wedding day. I swear, kids these days have the craziest ideas. Yeah, you can actually enjoy your own cocktail hour at your wedding! You just need to do all those pesky formals prior to the ceremony. In addition to getting all or the bulk of those photos out of the way ahead of time, if you run out of time for those formals prior to the ceremony, it’s no biggie because you can simply take 10 minutes to get the stragglers done after the ceremony. If you run out of time for the formals after the ceremony, however, you’re not only taking away cocktail hour from yourselves and some of your guests, you could also run over into dinner time, either missing part of dinner or making the rest of your guests wait for your late arrival. It’s not a day ruin-er but it’s not fun, it’s stressful and we all like to enjoy food and mingling at weddings, so it’s just a no brainer to get it all done ahead of time.
No. 6 What Is A First Look At A Wedding? – It’s prioritizing golden hour photos for you.
What is a first look at a wedding? It’s the best way to chase the sunset. If you are having an afternoon or evening wedding, depending on the time of year, you might be looking at a very early sunset. Golden hour is by far my favorite time to take outdoor photos, and I’d wager to say the majority of couples will covet those glowy, golden sunset photos. In the end, who do you want those fleeting sunset photos to be of? You and your beautiful bride/groom, or you and your aunt and her new husband that you’ve met twice? When you get the formals out of the way prior to the ceremony, that means any remaining and best sunlight after the ceremony can be used just for the couple.
No. 7 What Is A First Look At A Wedding? – It’s a way to get double the couple photos.
What is a first look at a wedding? It’s the best way to double dip and get extra bomb photos of you and your boo! While you will surely get amazing photos of the two of you together after the ceremony (hopefully during golden hour), the first looks maximizes the amount of photos you can get together, which in the end is really what most couples want. Photos of each of you individually are amazing and important, but would you rather have individuals of you each hanging on your living room wall, or an amazing photo of you together? Of course I’ll get you both in your final gallery, but I’m trying to make a point here! The wedding is about celebrating your union and togetherness, so in my opinion, no images can beat the photos of you two together in all your sweet newly wed cuteness. With the first look you get a whole extra part of the gallery where you are together, connecting at the heart while I document it all. That’s an amazing addition to a final gallery, and it’s wonderful to relive that moment when you look through your gallery in the years to come! What is a first look at a wedding? In my opinion, it’s taking the best part of the wedding (the two of you, together) and doubling it.
#8 What Is A First Look At A Wedding? – It’s an invitation to get married as a team.
What is a first look at a wedding? It’s an invitation to really jump into this thing together. “Ummm.. we are already a team. I mean, we’re getting married..” You know it, it’s true! But this is the chance to huddle in the locker room before you go out on the field, you know what I mean? You get to talk about the game plan, slap each other on the butt and say “Go get em, team mate!” Too much sports analogy? Eh, I’m going to leave it for anyone it might resonate with. It’ll be my one and only sports metaphor, so if you like it, soak it up. I actually really like the slap on the butt part so I’m definitely leaving it. But really, when you’re nervous, who is the one person you most want a reassuring hug from? When you’re so excited you feel scared, who do you want to talk to? Your Babe-O, right? That’s the person I want you to connect with prior to the aisle. Instead of saying, “I’ll see you at the alter tomorrow!” You get to say, “I’ll see you at the alter in 5 minutes!” and I see a huge wave of relief and peace roll over my couples when they get to connect emotionally and through touch during their first look.
#9 What Is A First Look At A Wedding? – it’s a break from the hustle and bustle of hustling and bustling.
That was a wedding dress joke, get it? Hustle and bustle of hustling and bustling.. Bustling, like you bustle a dr-, never mind, it’s fine. I’m fine. Anyway. What is a first look at a wedding? It’s a coveted respite from an intense schedule. There is so much stuff jammed into a wedding day, it’s a wonder that brides and grooms come out with their sanity intact. The hair and make-up takes a few hours, and it almost always runs late, which puts you into a panic because you’re already on a tight schedule. You’re worrying about whether or not everyone is going to be dressed in time for their roles in photos, wondering if all the decorating is being done correctly and on time, or maybe you’re even
doing some of the decorating yourself. You have to worry about someone receiving the caterers, the bartenders, the florals, maybe the chairs, tents and tables , the DJ or live band. You’re getting fake eyelashes glued to your face while you’re internally calculating how much time you’re going to have for getting ready photos with your bridal party in the special robes you bought everyone before you have to spend thirty minutes being laced up into the mermaid style gown that you can’t sit down in. Even if you aren’t physically doing a ton on your wedding day, your mind is going a million miles per minute and it’s enough to make a bride or groom nauseas with stress! This is not what I want for you on your wedding day, and I’m sure you don’t either! I think the trauma of how much is happening all at the same time is why the day goes by so fast, and we brides or grooms forget so much about our wedding day. When we put together your custom timeline for your day and all the photography we will be doing, I schedule a generous portion of time to give you for your first look, not because it necessarily takes a very long time, but because sometimes you want it to take a very long time so you can get a break from the mental strain of the day. I can see the relief when the bride or groom get their shoes on and get ready to leave everyone behind while they go to their first look. I can see the tension in their shoulders soften and melt as they see each other, connect, talk about the little things that excited them or got on their nerves today, hear how amazing they look, kiss and cuddle their favorite person in the world. It’s like a beautiful reset button before the ceremony. All the tension that was building, the stress that was gaining pressure in their hearts, it’s all given a healthy outlet when the couple can connect and take a moment to be away from everyone else and all the moving pieces of the wedding and just be themselves where they are best, which is together.
#10 What Is A First Look At A Wedding?– It’s not a moment stealer, it’s a moment maker.
What is a first look at a wedding? It’s not a moment stealer, it’s a moment maker. I think most of the time when people are hesitate to do the first look, it’s because they’re afraid it will make the ceremony less exciting. I can tell you that not only is this not true in my professional experience, it’s also not true in my own personal experience! While Cody and I have only been married for 11 years, at 9 years we did a private vow renewal, just the two of us and our amazing photographer (and my most favorite mentor, you can check her out in Arizona Brittney Nestle Photo – Photography – Phoenix, AZ – WeddingWire). We were planning on doing it for our 10 year, but we found out that Brittney was going to slowly rip our hearts out by moving to Arizona, so we decided to do it for our 9th anniversary prior to her shattering our souls and moving away. We did a first look and my gosh, it was a beautiful moment. I don’t remember if I cried during the walk down the aisle in 2010, and I don’t have any pictures to tell me whether I did or not as the moment was so fleeting, the photographer only captured Cody’s reaction, but oh boy did I cry this time around and I have all the pictures to prove it. I can say 100% that the intimacy and romance of the first look was so magical compared to the quick and dirty jog down the aisle that ran immediately into a ceremony. But enough about me, let me tell you that I’ve shot many weddings with and without the first look, and the reactions down the aisle are never any more impressive or beautiful than the couples that did a first look prior to the ceremony. In fact, I have noticed so little difference in reaction that it really just feels like a piece of the wedding is missing to me now when there is no first look. The one waiting at the altar cries at the same rate when they see their darling walk down the aisle regardless of first look status. The one walking down the aisle is always beaming like the sun regardless of first look status. I can only conclude from my experience that the first look at a wedding isn’t a moment stealer but a special moment maker. It creates space for more hugs, more kisses, more jokes and whispers and laughter and all the things I want my couples to remember when they look back through their photos.
Do you want to see full experiences from first looks at weddings I’ve shot? Would you like to hear even MORE about how a first look at a wedding is the greatest gift you can give yourself on your wedding day? Get in touch to chat about wedding photography!